Friday, July 10, 2009

Big Girls Don't Cry

It has taken years for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It all started when I entered middle school. I got my period at the age of 11. My breasts starting growing like crazy and before I know it, I was in the 6th grade with a 34D bra. My hips were getting wider. I had fat cubby cheeks (Which I still have). I was very shapely, but I wasn’t fat, but in my eyes it was embarrassing. No one in my class nor anyone else I knew that was the same age, at that time, was going through what I was. I didn’t like it…I hated it.

At the time, my mother didn’t believe I was developing early, but that I was just getting fat. Because she thought it…that’s what I started to believe…which made me want to eat more. I have 4 sisters and all of them were skinny, therefore, I was the odd child out. This is when they started the name-calling. I was called fat in so many different ways I can’t even describe. It wasn’t a good time in my life. Yes, I had 2 parents who loved me, I lived in a great home and neighborhood and went to a great school but I was hurting inside. I was going through something no one educated me on. My body was changing and I was looking different from other girls and I had no idea why. My parents didn’t teach me about body changing and puberty. Maybe because she didn’t think she had to because I was still so young and my sisters were much older when they experienced it. My own family was calling me names because they were seeing I was growing different from them and to them it was fat and ugliness.

Therefore, I felt extremely ugly and developed low self-confidence in myself. As I went through high school, I did gain more weight. I was a size 12 and still felt extremely ugly. I didn't know how to feel sexy about myself. I didn’t know how to love my body. I started caring about what others thought of me. I knew certain people's opinions shouldn't matter, but at times a person will determine their self-worth based on what people say about them. Being talked about and called mean names will hurt the average person, I don't care how they act on the outside.

It took me until my junior year in college to finally realize, I will never be a size 4 and probably not even a size 10. But as long as I am happy and love myself…that is all that matters. I began to know what feels right for me. You have to find the right hairstyle and the right clothes to feel sexy. You have to study your body and take an interest in what you like the best. Accentuate those areas that you like the best and confine the ones you don’t. Example: I wear jeans that accentuate my hips and shirts that make my breasts fuller (Even though they don’t need to look ANY fuller lol) and my waist look smaller, and when I take it all off I’m still happy that there is such a thing made just for me.

Today I am a size 15 (At one point I was at a size 18, but started working out and losing weight) and loving me, myself and my body more and more everyday. I still have my days where I want to change things about my body, but I still love me. I guess, I can be described under the category of BBW (Big, Beautiful Woman) and I will defiantly take on the title because we are beautiful in everyway.

When it comes to poking fun at those that may be a little or even a great deal overweight can be devastating to those that are being poked fun at. It's not necessary, just like big people picking on skinny people aren’t necessary. Being too skinny and being too big can be unhealthy, so it's all bad. It’s terrible when people have to defend themselves or argue personal beliefs or lifestyles, when we all are beautiful in many ways despite size. We need to embrace the good and not be so critical of what we feel is bad. While I do agree with many of the issues especially health, weight gain or loss, and poor eating habits and dieting that cause disease, if one of my big girls or fat boys wants to eat, live, dress and express who they are in a way that others may disagree fine, disagree. But let us not have a disrespectful attitude towards people that are that does nothing to elevate or enhance the beauty of being BIG. Surely we can discuss other things that would help us to live better as big people and not feel bad about it. Many of us had to deal with issues since childhood about our weight, is it fair that we still have to face those same issues: ABOUT WEIGHT, when we have matured and developed on the inside no longer the same person internally but judged externally because of unburned calories that turn into FAT.

It does not matter the size or shape of a man or woman to determine whether they are attractive or not. Furthermore, if a person worries about what another person thinks of them then that in it is low self-esteem (I had to learn that myself). There are many big women and men in this world and it is not up to us to make a judgment on whether they are attractive or not. If a certain person is attractive to you then how big or small they are should not be an issue. There are many individuals who are not heavy that are not attractive to some people. In addition, there are many individuals who are not heavy and also have health issues. Just because a person is heavy does not always mean they have health issues, and just because a person is small does not mean they do not have health issues. The bottom line is this, why did you ask the question at all? What reason are you trying to determine if heavy women are really attractive? All women, who loves themselves first and believe in themselves first and not care what another person thinks of them is very attractive whether they are heavy or small. We all came from the same God and God did not create anything ugly. We all came from the same God and God did not create anything ugly. Our personalities and who we are on the inside can truly determine what we look to others on the outside.


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