Ex-Lover/Ex-Boyfriend Doesn’t Equal Friends?

Since I was 18, I have had two boyfriend’s (One is including my current boyfriend) and some guys who were just some hook-up’s every once in awhile. Some people I have lost touch with…not on purpose, but because I may have lost their number or other contact information. My ex-boyfriend emails me every once in awhile just to see if I am still alive and to say hi and that’s about it. I have never had a problem keeping in touch with an ex-boyfriend or anyone that I have had some form of an intimate relationship with. It never really bothered me, nor did it concern me thinking the conversation would be awkward or “mixed feelings” would come back.

That being said, I recently (Recent as in yesterday) came into contact with an old “friend” of mine. At the time, I was single and just having fun in meeting new guys. We only went out on an “official” date once, but had numerous conversations and lots of laughs. We had sex a couple times, but I still considered him being my friend. We were not close to being in a relationship, nor had we discussed it, but in my eyes we were chilling.

During our conversation via Yahoo Messenger, he told me how he was so surprised he was hearing from me. I asked why and he said because of our “relationship”. I told him “Well, yeah, we fucked but we still had good conversations and I thought we was cool” and he agreed but then he told me that he felt awkward talking to me and that he normally doesn’t stay in contact with past “lovers” (This was his word. Didn’t think we were making “love” but I guessed he was trying to be polite and not say fuck buddy) and ex-girlfriend’s.

I then thought “Wow” and told him if he felt that way I won’t have to contact him again. He said okay and that was it.

After our conversation, I felt like he stepped on my pinky toe. I thought we were on a more friends’ basis, but I am assuming from that discussion that I was dead wrong. It goes to show you can have such a great time with someone and have great chemistry and conversation and believes you guys are BFF’s…but in the end that person could be thinking something more different than you will ever know.

It sucked for me for a minute, then I was telling my friend Kyle about it and he pulled me back to reality. He told me to basically fuck him and that I have a great man anyways and I shouldn’t be worried about that. Which is so true.

Just wanted to know of my readers out there…Has anyone made a decision they were never going to talk to past “lovers” or ex’s? How did you come up with this decision? And why?

Go Cry Me A River

Hello Blogger Readers,

Not too much has been going on. I am still pretty saddened of the loss of Michael Jackson. It’s still so shocking. He was a great entertainer and God defiantly blessed him with much talent. You will truly be missed, Michael.

I just think it’s so funny how people say how much they love and adore music artists and may buy their CD’s here and there…but AS SOON AS THEY DIE…they are getting posters, putting their pictures as backgrounds on their computers, and hurrying to the stores to buy all the CD’s they DIDN’T buy when the artist was alive! I understand you want to get memories but, you were not picking up their albums, posters and what no when they were alive…how are you helping them now that they are dead?

That’s a fan…but to a certain level. Yeah you like the person, you can maintain to listen to their full songs when the come on the radio and if a concert pop up on the TV, maybe, you will watch…I was a Backstreet Boys FAN…HARDCORE! I had every single CD AND cassette tape! Everything I saw them in a magazine I cut it out and put it in a PHOTO ALBUM! (LOL And I took this to college ALONG with my BSB BOOKBAG!) Every time they came on TV, I got a blank tape and TAPED THE WHOLE SHOW (I believe I had 3 full tapes of clips of their videos, shows they did and concerts. I randomly sat and watched them when I was horny for the BSB)! Now, to me that’s a true fan. I didn’t wait until they all died and then went out and got everything their face was on. And you know what…I STILL listen to their music and I am hoping they come together again and make a freakin movie or something cause I will defiantly go see it! Now that’s what a fan is. But that’s just my opinion…

As in my previous Blog, I discussed how I am trying very hard to manage my funds better and to purchase things that are “needed” and not “wanted”. Well, I will like to say, for the first time ever, I have purchased my own Laptop! I got it from QVC and it is a HP Pavilion and it’s 15.4in. The color is gold and it is so beautiful! This is something I need (And wanted) and its all mine! I bought it with my own hard earned money and it felt great! I haven’t been using it a lot yet, because I work so much and when I get home I pass out but I defiantly will this weekend…so can’t wait for that!

Another thing I realized is how fast “associates” come and go (Maybe that’s why there are associates, but you get what I am saying). For those you don’t know what I am referring to…associates are people that you don’t “claim” as your friends…for whatever reasons…maybe you don’t trust them enough, you don’t know them well, you talk every once in awhile…whatever the reason may be…they are not apart of your “real friend” circle. I have had PLENTY of associates in my life. Most of them were because I didn’t trust them and wasn’t going to bother to let them into my life. And others were because I didn’t know them enough and by the time I thought we really good friends…we stopped talking for whatever reason…

One situation that recently just happened was myself being very friendly to a particular person (Female). In the beginning of us meeting, we got along fantastic! People were asking if we knew each other from other place. All of a sudden, for whatever reason, she stopped talking to me. This is someone I talked to everyday so when this happened, it did make me wonder if I did something wrong, which I know I didn’t, so I didn’t let it phase me and stopped worrying about it because I thought maybe she was just going through something and would come around when she wants to (Especially knowing how females can act sometimes. They may hear something and hold a grudge for the MOST childish things). After months of not talking, I finally see her and I said excited, “Hey gurl!” and then she said, without even looking at me, “Hey” and kept walking…with a straight face. “Wow” was all I said in my head. I don’t know what I did or maybe I didn’t do anything. Maybe she just doesn’t want to have that relationship with me as before. I thought we were beginning to become really good friends…I let her know things I really didn’t need to let her know about. I could have sat back and let someone (Someone in particular) make a fool of her, but I didn’t because I value the relationships I have with certain people because of the “good relationship” (Meaning, I don’t find good relationships with people often), but maybe she thought otherwise. But, like I said before, associates come and go. I am very blessed I do have the one great friend who has stayed the longest…from teens to real women…love you Mz. CeCe (LOL).

This is starting to be a long Blog, but I have one more thing to talk about. I laugh every now and then about this because I really think people believe I am a dumb ass and they can get over on me. I just talked about how people will stop talking to you without giving a 2-week notice (Song by Fantasia…Love it!) and there are other people who you cuss out and TELL them you don’t want to talk to them anymore and they CONTINUE TO TALK TO YOU! I fell out with a female because she told someone something…that in which told my sister…that was only meant for her ears. Let’s call this person Dana. Dana is someone I met when I was in middle school…and hasn’t seen her since! I found her on MySpace and we talk every once in a while on there or on Yahoo Messenger. I have never told Dana any personal business of mine…this was the first time (And the LAST). I asked Dana why she told this person my business and that I will never feel comfortable telling her anything else about me or basically anything at all that would come out of my mouth and that I never want to speak to her again. Dana says she never said anything. People, DANA WAS THE ONLY PERSON I TOLD! So, I asked how else would my sister find out? She claims she doesn’t know! And we have this crazy back and forth…back and forth. We then don’t speak for months…she then contact me on Facebook and I have NOTHING to say…she then sends me something on Yahoo Messenger. I start to have simple conversation and she says something smart on why I can’t let anything go and that I am acting “stupid”. That’s when I blew up and said, “If you just tell me, right here and now, tell me the truth…if you told her…I would let this go and never bring it up again.” She then she lied again and said no. Now, maybe its me, but I seriously don’t understand if I tell 1 person something…and it ends up where 2 other people know…that person I told MUST have said something! Am I wrong? Dana fought with me tooth and nails saying this didn’t happen…but, I can’t make anyone tell the truth so, I guess only God and her will know what really happened. The point I wanted to get across is the people who you don’t have a problem with suddenly can stop talking and leave you alone forever and the people you always have the problem with…constantly coming back to bite you in the ass again and again. Can’t win...

Something New, Something Old, Something Borrowed & Something Blue...

This past Saturday, I went to a cousin of mine wedding. it was very beautiful and people were crying...

It just made me realize how much I want to get married! I am in this "Marriage Zone" and I have no idea on when I am getting out! I just believe when you meet someone and you fully commit to someone...not another person matters. Its like me and him are the only person in the world. And I love this feeling!

I am sure people doubted us and didn't think it would work because of the long distance. People even started rumors stating he was married...but we have almost made it to 3yrs and are stronger than ever!

I want to be with him for the rest of my life. He's my soulmate...

I can't wait until its my turn...

I'm Just Not That Into You

Hey Bloggers! So, now that I have a boyfriend, I guess men just love Ms.Vanilla (LOL). I am a very faithful woman. I love my man; we have a great trustworthy relationship. Therefore, I have not and would never cheat on him. That being said, a young guy I used to talk to before my boyfriend has gotten back into contact with me via AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). He came right out and said he wants to see me. He lives about an hour away and just moved into another apartment and wants me to see it. Of course, I know how inappropriate this would be so I politely declined, but said we could, maybe, have lunch one day (Maybe meaning never). I gave my reasons on why…that I wouldn’t like my man going out with another woman and vise versa. He then said I was “tripping”…lol…couldn’t believe it. I kept the conversation and would love for my Xanga readers to read and let me know…who REALLY was tripping! And yes, I did use his REAL name and of course I am MsVanilla523. And I want you to notice how he tried to bring up why we stopped talking like that was my fault too! Here it goes

Reggie:

o ok. ill look for u. so would u come up and hang with ya boi for a bit

MsVanilla523:

I don’t think that would be appropriate for someone who is in a committed relationship. I wouldn’t want my man to be chilling with some other chick so I don’t do it ...I am sure u know where I am coming from...

Reggie:

i do

Reggie:

But trust is got to be there

MsVanilla523:

Oh it is

Reggie:

plus im in a committed relationship as well

so whats the big deal

MsVanilla523:

I rather not even put myself in that situation

Reggie:

we friends

thats it

MsVanilla523:

I know. I am not going to come to your apartment but maybe we can meet for lunch or something when u are down here

Reggie:

K

but u seem to be trippin about that. its not that deep, atleast not to me. but its cool, nevermind.

MsVanilla523:

I am not tripping on anything. I have been with my man for 2 and half yrs. I have never even been out with another man before for even "coffee". I just don’t...I never had a need to...basically because I have no male friends. He doesn’t have a need to go out with women because he doesn’t have female friends. It’s just how it is. I’m not trying to trip bout it.... that how my relationship is with my boyfriend and I respect that. It never has been an issue before, nor do I feel like making it one now. I said we could go out for lunch when u come into town. Is that not enough? lol

MsVanilla523:

I’m just confused now...u don’t eat lunch?

Reggie:

yea

i told u its cool

MsVanilla523:

Lol Alrighty then

Reggie:

u trippin

lol it aint that serious

MsVanilla523:

lol ok. I guess I am then.I am not going to explain it again

Reggie:

no need to

i understand

MsVanilla523:

Oh I WASNT GOING TO lol

Reggie:

OKAY GOOD

DUH

Thats what i said

MsVanilla523:

You are EXACTLY the same as I remember lol

MsVanilla523:

Man

Reggie:

u r too

lol

MsVanilla523:

Yeah, I still don’t deal with bullshit

Reggie:

what the hell does that mean? u sayin im bullshit. wow, lets not go there. i still dont either, thats why we aint go no further then we did when we kicked it

lol

Reggie:

but its cool

i do understand

MsVanilla523

Wow

Reggie:

u happy and im happy

MsVanilla523:

Lol

Reggie:

and i respect ur boundaries

as crazy as they seem

so

MsVanilla523:

All I said was I don’t want to basically go to your apartment and I would rather just have lunch and this is what I get

MsVanilla523:

Reggie, I am trying to be nice

Reggie:

u went there

not me

MsVanilla523:

And respectful to my boyfriend

Reggie:

i am to

MsVanilla523:

And I really don’t think you want to go there about we stopped talking cause it would hurt your feelings.

Reggie:

Ok

MsVanilla523:

I am not going to go there

And wasn’t going to bring that up

So

Reggie:

i GOTCHU on that

MsVanilla523:

I don’t think u should either

Reggie:

bring what up

MsVanilla523:

Exactly

Reggie:

what will hurt my feelings?

u musta forgot

why we stopped talking

MsVanilla523:

Nooooooooooooooope

Not at all

I remember everything like it was yesterday

Reggie:

well i remember on my end

u wanted to screw and i didnt want to go there LOL

MsVanila523:

Lol Nope. I was okay with that and I told you that

Reggie:

right......thats why u kept askin for it....lol

MsVanilla523:

Yes, it would have been a struggle, but I would have gotten over the "no sex" thing....if you were straight with me about it. You never really told me if you were even celibate! I didn’t like how you didn’t even want to ACKNOWLEDGE we were "dating". I wasn’t seeing anyone else and you wasn’t and we went out...THATS CALLED DATING....and I just didn’t agree that I had to date someone for 8 MONTHS before we got into a relationship…which you wanted to do! What is that? AND we argued too much. I never argue with anyone that I have talked to in the past...but you, therefore, I thought something want right about that. Plus, I didn’t care u didn’t want to have sex...but you didn’t even want to KISS ME…because you didn’t like the taste of another person’s tongue? WHAT? That’s weird when I can’t even kiss the guy I am dating.

Reggie:

True

MsVanilla523

So yeah, So that what I said u are exactly the same. You always wanted to have the last word and always made an argument out of anything which u just did. I just said we could go to lunch and u said I was tripping! It seems that nothing makes u happy for some reason.

So that was the whole conversation. I didn’t quite understand WHY he got so mad. Maybe he really wanted me to come over so he could FINALLY hit this…BUT I got a REAL man so he lost those privileges! I just thought this whole thing was too funny and made me realize how happy I am with my man and how I am sooo glad I am not with him.

P.S. I really don’t think he got a girlfriend…who would want to argue constantly over silly shit…NOT ME!

Miss Independent Woman

Hello Xanga Reader’s! Haven’t been on here in awhile because I have been soooo busy working and making that money! Lot’s all things have been going on in my life and I will be writing future Blogs to explain…so stay tuned.

I just got finished reading an associate of mine blog and I just became so irritated SO MUCH! It was basically about how women shouldn’t stay with men if the men were not “paying them out”. What is that? So, I guess all women today are all gold diggers?

I don’t understand why women have to fall in this stereotype that a woman can ONLY get into a relationship with a man ONLY if he “balling” and paying all your bills. Yes, I am sure it is nice when you don’t have to worry about your finances but it comes a time in life where you have to look in the mirror and say to yourself “I’m over 21 and it’s time to grow up”. Get a job (Doesn’t have to be a 6 figure one but something would be nice), get your own car and start making and buying your own things. I don’t see how hard that is. I do it and the “adult life” has been working for me just fine! Hell yes, I would like to sit on my ass and watch my reality TV all damn day but making my OWN money and have my OWN, HARD WORKED MONEY in my bank account…PRICELESS!

And what is wrong if a woman has to pay her man’s phone bill every once in a while? Why can’t a man have a woman who likes to spoil her man? Why is it always the man’s role to pay everything? Where was that written in stone? Please, let me know…

I remember I was in my car listening to a radio station about a clip from a “Dr. Phil” episode. The show was basically about married couples who are going through serious problems and need counseling because they can’t handle the recession the world is in right now and thinking about getting a divorce. Are you serious? I think this is the most difficult time most people have EVER gone through and these are the time where we need to help each other the most. I think it’s immature and some people need to grow up. How bout you put aside your cocky, conceited, stuck –up….whatever you want to call it…attitude and help your men out!

Real Talk

Never thought I would have to do it. But I deleted someone's comments today on my previous Blog I wrote.




Before I got into the body of the Blog, I wrote a disclaimer: I know this is an extremely touchy subject. I will try to make this blog “nice” as possible but please be aware these are my opinions. I am always honest with myself and always want to be honest with my new friends here on Xanga. I feel here I can write about anything. I dont know anyone personal so I feel like I can really branch out and tell my feelings...tell what my soul is feeling. And I have been.



I never want to upset anyone but this is my Blog. I always want others to comment and speak what they feel. Even when its the opposite. Because I feel we are all adults...some of us young teenagers but everyone still has an opinion. I dont feel that I should be yelled at and told my opinion or my ways of living my life or my beliefs is wrong and nor would I ever say such a thing to someone else. Someone did that. He wrote very hurtful things about my beliefs and it was uncalled for. I dont like to debate, I dont like confrontation and I dont like to discuss certain things because of the fact thats some things are not debatable (If thats a word).



Please continue to post comments to my Blogs but please refrain from saying very cruel, hurtful and childish things here because those comments will be deleted and if you take further action I will block you. If you wish to not read about my thoughts, my feelings and my life, please delete me from your friends list.



I appreciate all the new friends I have made here and all the wonderful, funny and fantastic comments I do recieve on my Blogs and please keep them coming. I love reading all your Blogs as well and I will never comment anything rude to anyone. Those comments will be kept to myself...and I will just tell my friends!



I do want to apoligize to everyone (Except this particular person) if I did in fact hurt anyone feelings.



Hope everyone is having a great night!